i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
