ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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