Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
