i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
