you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
