This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
