he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
