i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
