Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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