in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
