I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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