On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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