Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
