There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
