We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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