He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
