I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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