The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
