yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
