I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
