So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
