Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize