butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
