So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
