So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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