I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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