first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
