I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sobbing to NWA
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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