im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
