i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
