Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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