Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
