Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
