Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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