Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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