It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Terrible idea I love it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
