Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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