Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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