It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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