My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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