I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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