one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
