Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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