Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
