toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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