Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
