Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He has the fingertips of a God
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