my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
