You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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