Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
