It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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