lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
