U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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