My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
