It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
