I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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