In the future we'll all be gay
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
