I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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