he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
