the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
