I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize