apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
