Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
