I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
