Im at strip club and am horny
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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