and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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