i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
