oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just pee around me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
