wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
